Gifts from a Pandemic #10: Appreciating The Value of a Safe, Nurturing Home
I am so, so tired.
My body is stiff and achey after sleeping on the couch all night.
Our puppy Bliss was recently spayed.
She’s wearing a cone on her head so she doesn’t pull out the stitches from her surgery.
For the first few days, she was on a sedative and painkiller to soothe her.
It was so sad to see our usual cheerful puppy so limp.
She also looked sad because her fine, fluffy fur was tangled and matted from all her outdoor play, and from her habit of rubbing her long fur up against our carpet after she gets her baths.
Bliss may have grooming issues, but she certainly doesn’t have love issues.
It’s hard to imagine our lives without her.
So many people have shared how their pets are helping them to get through this time of sheltering in place. Many are using their newly-found time at home to foster and adopt animals from the overflowing shelters.
I have a close friend whose daughter-in-law has been battling the Coronavirus, and their new puppy, rescued shortly before the shelter-in-place began, has been cuddled up beside her as she has been healing.
When our puppy Bliss started doing her typical tail wagging at mock speed to greet us, body wiggling and jumping excitedly to say hi (even when we’ve only been out of the room for 10 minutes), we were all overjoyed.
She finally seemed back to her old self.
But something else was still out of whack.
We noticed it after we were all tucked in and asleep for the night.
At 1:00 a.m., she started barking.
Jim took her out, no luck.
We offered her water.
She drank.
At 1:30 a.m., the barking started again.
I took her out.
This time, success.
At 2 a.m., she barked again.
Something still wasn’t right.
She doesn’t usually bark in the middle of the night unless she’s trying to tell us something.
Not wanting to wake Jim, who had to work in the morning, I took her into the kitchen, gave her a little food, which she devoured.
Then we curled up on the couch.
She fussed a lot, tried to take the cone off now and again, whimpering often, but we made it through the night.
Just One Night
I thought it was over.
Bliss started out the morning cheerful and active.
But then, about midday, the vomiting started.
And continued.
All day.
Then there was another disruption to our quiet, cocoon of a home.
In addition to our sick puppy, today the construction started again on our front porch.
After the contractor arrived, I had to scan 100 pages of documents on my phone to get over to the town inspector who did our porch inspection via FaceTime. All while barely being able to keep my eyes open or function because of my lack of sleep, and cleaning up puppy vomit in between meetings.
It reminded me of much more difficult times, being up night after night, when our kids were young.
Sleep-deprived. Worried. Emotional. Hormonal.
So tired.
So achey.
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Home is Not Always Restful
I realize my experience is just a glimpse of what so many people have been experiencing lately, especially our healthcare workers, those who are ill with Covid-19 or who are caring for someone who is ill, to say nothing of all those without jobs and nowhere to turn.
Then there are those suffering not just from one rough night, but for whom home is not a place of rest, but one of terror.
There is a dark side to all things.
The recent statistics about the heightened incidence of domestic violence during this shelter-in-place are a reminder of that.
It’s amazing how whatever is going on in our homes so deeply affects everything else.
One small change for the worst can our tip our personal scale and change us from being energetic, strong, positive and optimistic, to cranky (at best) and downright unable to function (at worst).
When we push too hard, cross the lines of where we should go or what is in our best interest, sometimes we find strength and gain epiphanies to turn our lives around.
But other times we are too weak and just need the comfort of a good night’s rest.
We All Need a Safe, Restful Home
One silver lining from this pandemic is the heightened awareness of how core the need for a safe home really is, a space in which to rest, gain support, nurturing, understanding and healing when the rest of the world is going crazy.
The benefit of healthy food on our tables, safe beds in which to sleep, friends and family members to talk with, or give a hug after a particularly hard moment is invaluable.
We all need sabbaticals.
We need all need a Sabbath, something that was so core for so many generations, in so many cultures and spiritual traditions.
No work. Connecting as a family. Connecting with ourselves. Reading and reflecting. Spending time in nature. Relaxing. Preparing and sharing a home cooked meal together. Caring conversation. Laughter. Deep rest.
Being stuck at home can be like a tall cool drink of water for our parched lips or can be like a death sentence, depending on our circumstances and how dark our challenges.
In rest, we feel our pain. The light in our life is brighter, and our darkness darker.
Whatever you are feeling today, whether you are weary and worried like me, perhaps for reasons beyond your control, or whether you are feeling loved and connected, my wish is that you are able to find your own safe, restful space, if not in the environment around you, then within.
This is yet another unexpected gift we’ve gained from this pandemic, the heightened awareness of how important it is to take breaks, deeply rest and recharge, and how much a safe home matters.
Curl up with a good book, a blanket and pillow and have a rest.
Give yourself a hug, or give a family member one and get one in return.
Connect with a pet, hold them, let them support you.
Collective deep sigh.
While we can’t all have this, I think the heightened awareness of what rest and home looks like for all of us, right now, all around the world is an important one.
A Poem to Offer Comfort
Something that has often brought me comfort when I have needed it most is this beautiful poem by Julia Cameron, published in her best-selling book The Artist’s Way.
I think of it often when I have days like I did today.
I hope it brings you comfort as well.
Words For It, By Julia Cameron
I wish I could take language
And fold it like cool, moist rags.
I would lay words on your forehead.
I would wrap words on your wrists.
“There, there,” my words would say– Or something better.
I would ask them to murmur, “Hush” and “Shh, shhh, it’s all right.”
I would ask them to hold you all night.
I wish I could take language
And daub and soothe and cool
Where fever blisters and burns,
Where fever turns yourself against you.
I wish I could take language
And heal the wounds that were the wounds
You have no names for.
Appeared in The Artist’s Way, page 204. Copyrighted (c) 1992 Julia Cameron.
When We Are Weary
Now is a very good time to donate money to food banks, charities that support people with mental illness and addiction, and domestic violence.
Here is the website of The Center for Domestic Peace, a domestic violence shelter in the Bay area of California saving lives and offering much needed support to families in abusive, life threatening situations, exacerbated during this challenging time.
Here are a few more articles I have written to offer comfort when times are tough.
Support for Tough Times
When You Are Feeling Overwhelmed
A Transformational Meditation for Staying with Difficult Emotions
Be safe, everyone. Rest well.
(P.S. Bliss is doing much better. We are hoping her tummy trouble was just a reaction to some of the medication!)
Here’s a photo of our sweet. fluffy puppy, wearing her cone.
Here’s a video of our rapidly recovering Bliss: Bliss runs again
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Copyright © 2020, Laurie Smith, All rights reserved. Photo credits: Pakhnyushchy/Shutterstock; Laurie Smith.