The #1 Way to Make Our Relationships (and Lives) Better

”Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.” 

~ Agnes de Mille

This morning, I came upon this quote, and was surprised by how much it comforted me.

Our family is currently preparing to remodel our home. We are out of our element. We have never done this before. We are getting rid of stuff, making decisions (lots of them!) and are not really sure if they are right.

These are definitely first world problems. But whenever we are doing something that takes us out of our comfort zone, as the quote says, it can feel as if we are taking “leap after leap in the dark.”

As Valentine’s Day approaches, in addition to remodeling, I have also been thinking about relationships.

Recently, I was talking with someone I have known for many years. During our conversation, I learned things about his political outlook and life perspective that I never knew.

I was surprised as much by the new findings as I was by how different my imagined identity for him was from reality.

Someone once gave me parenting advice that went like this: “Get curious. Be curious about how they think and what makes them tick. Instead of trying to teach them a lesson, try instead to just get to know them better.”

It was a great reminder that we are all changing, all the time. Even people with whom we are the closest and know well, like our closest friends, family members, children (or even ourselves!) might not be who we think they are.

In fact, that’s the basis of meditation–getting to really know ourselves.

I think that, more than any other reason, is why so many of us have trouble committing to a regular meditation practice.

It can be unsettling to sit with ourselves in an open state of wanting to know ourselves more. Sometimes we discover things we don’t want to see, feel things we don’t want to feel, didn’t expect or that don’t fit our preconceived notions of how things are “supposed” to be.

When we hold the intention to get to know ourselves and those around us for no other reason than just curiosity—without judgment–life gets interesting.

When we let go of our agendas, something shifts.

Letting go of agendas isn’t always easy. Sometimes we ask questions or are curious because we want people to know we care. We want to be perceived as curious.

Other times we may ask because we want to prove to ourselves that we are right in some way. (I know I’ve been guilty of that!)

But when we ask simply because we want to learn, that’s when life starts to get really fun.

Be curious.

I have a feeling the more we keep seeking to understand, the more fully we will experience the mystery within each of us, and the infinite possibilities this life has to offer.

We may not always like what we find, we may be pleasantly surprised or we may end up somewhere we never could have predicted.

As we “take leap after leap in the dark” without knowing what we will land on next, we may discover that there are a lot more “right” ways to leap and to land than we thought.

Hopefully, that is as true with choosing plumbing fixtures as it is with life! 😉

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What helps you let go of your agenda and open to others (and yourself)?

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