“I keep on finding, everything seems to be about timing.”

~from “Simple Song” written by Michael Rosenberg

Is It Time?

The new year has begun, and at our home, we’ve taken off with a sprint.

We are getting ready for a remodel and so we’ve been de-cluttering, shredding and cleaning out.

Our possessions are dwindling—less to put into storage during our possible temporary move-out.

We’ve taken two minivan-size loads of donations to the Salvation Army, and half of our garage is filling up with more old furniture and toys to sell.

It seems funny to me how quickly we have been letting go of things that even a few months ago were difficult to part with.

Something I had been holding onto for a very long time is my old childhood dresser. It’s not particularly valuable, except for its sentimental worth.

My parents bought it second hand (or at least that’s how I remember the story going). It was first in our dining room, painted blue. I remember as a small child, barely being able to see into the top drawer, but loving it because it was filled with colorful craft supplies.

When I was four and my brother was born, I moved into my sister’s room. The dresser was painted white, and it moved along with me. It’s been following me ever since.

I saved it with the thought that perhaps our children would enjoy it someday. For the first two years of his life, our son did.

But after moving to California, there was no place for it. Dressers were built into the closets here. There seemed no reason for extras.

This past week, I finally decided I might be ready to let it go. My husband and I lugged the dresser out from the crawl space to our garage to decide what, exactly, to do with this treasure.

That’s when our daughter saw it and lit up. “Can I use that in my room?” she asked, positively bursting with excitement.

And so, the little dresser, like we will soon, has a new home.

As I’m watching our small family move into this new chapter, I’m struck with how much of life is timing.

Sometimes, we want something to happen (“NOW!”). Or, we may judge where we are in life, feeling as if we “should” be doing things differently.

But I am constantly being reminded that there is a natural ebb and flow to things.

When it’s time to let go, somehow we just know. It’s easy. Things fall away. We feel generous. We want to give a new home to what was once cherished and held close.

Other times moving on feels like a precious toy is being ripped out of our hands before its time.

When we are not ready yet, letting go or change can feel as if it is happening “to” us instead of our own choosing. We may resist transitions that are inevitable. (“NO!”)

In the case of my husband and I, as much as a remodel sounds exciting, having to move out of our home, and adding the expense and juggling act of remodeling to our already very full lives feels daunting.

There are many days when I would rather stay where we are, just as we are, outdated as we are.

But one by one, appliances are breaking. Things aren’t working right. Burners aren’t lighting anymore.

It’s time.

And so, like most times of transition, we are moving forward with trepidation, fatigue and the occasional lightness that comes from letting go of who we once were.

I am trying to remember to have gentleness and compassion as I coax myself, and our family, into the unsettling space between here and there.

Only time will tell who we are becoming and where we (and my childhood dresser) will be headed next.

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Photo credits: Laurie Smith