The Power of Staying Right Where We Are
I’m sitting in the garden, on a small protected patio next to our house. In the front of our home, the wind’s picked up, but back here, it’s more sheltered and calm.
I don’t often sit back here, most especially not at this time of day.
The sunlight is just right.
I can smell jasmine growing in the garden beside me. I take a deep breath.
I decide I want more of this.
This little patio has been neglected, overlooked, and yet it is the perfect spot to sit and write, especially at this time of day.
Usually at the start of summer, between the end of school year, birthdays, and getting ready to travel to the east coast to vacation and see loved ones, I rarely have time to sit in my garden and watch the world go by.
Most Junes, I’m catching my breath from the busyness that has just happened and bracing myself for more busyness to come.
But not this year.
Not as a result of Covid-19.
Granted, sitting quietly in my garden is not what I would have chosen for this summer if I had been given the choice.
We miss our families who live far away, and are just getting used to the idea that we don’t know when we will see them next.
But in this moment, I’m settling into now.
If I could look into the future and guess what I’ll most need to know this summer, it would be this:
Let go.
Let go of how you think it’s supposed to go.
Let go of who you think you are.
Let go of all of your old ways of being.
Let it all fall away, and settle in to who you really are.
No hustle.
No grasping.
No justifying.
No regrets.
No explaining.
No escape.
Just deep peace.
Accept that everything you think was supposed to be is not.
And everything you’ve ever wanted, you already are.
I realize that what I’m doing right now, in this moment, is everything.
I am settling in, settling into my family, settling into myself, settling into my weaknesses, settling into my strengths, settling into my backyard where I see the beauty in the simplest of pleasures, where even the weeds poking through the cracks of the patio bring me joy.
My Memories Are Teaching Me
I remember a time, many decades ago when my sister was living in Africa and I was living in New Jersey. It was long before FaceBook or What’s Ap.
The only way to really connect was the U.S. Postal Service, very expensive phone calls and emails that were never completely reliable especially in Africa where downloading them relied on some sort of high tech Satellite phone system.
During one particularly long separation, I remember thinking, even if we can’t be together, at least we can connect in our hearts.
Years later, I carried that idea of being together even while apart into my role as mother, reminding my kids as they ventured into kindergarten and on overnight adventures that if they ever couldn’t reach me, all they had to do is talk to me in my heart, and I would be there for them there, no matter what.
This time of simplicity is returning me to simpler forms of filling up and connecting with those I love.
All we have to do is to remember how.
Be Here Now
Ever since moving to California, I’ve often felt as if my energy has been split, an eye toward the east coast while physically being in the west.
It’s been difficult to settle in and truly call the west home with my energies so diverted in this way.
Maybe it’s no coincidence that many of my favorite books have ben about the value of learning how to stay.
I remember listening to an audiobook by Pema Chodron where she describes how there was a woman who often experienced very strong emotions, triggered by traumatic events that happened long before she could even remember.
The woman decided that her pattern of habitually emotionally shutting down was costing her too much and she wanted to do things differently.
She enlisted the help of a loved one whom she loved and trusted implicitly. They agreed that whenever she felt overwhelmed by such powerful emotions and wanted to go off somewhere in her mind to escape her experience, her loved one would stare her into her eyes and lovingly just repeat the word “stay, stay, stay.”
By doing this over and over again, the woman learned that she was powerful enough to sit with her emotions when they came up for her, however difficult that may have been, and travel through to the other side.
While for each of us, our untended emotions might not be so distracting as to interfere with our everyday experience like this woman, we all know how not tending to what is present, right under our nose, can keep us from fully enjoying the gifts of where we are.
Take Care of Yourself
Another story that comes to mind was told by Stuart Wilde, author of Life Doesn’t Have to Be a Struggle, and many other inspirational books.
In one of his books, he told a story about someone who came to him asking for advice about how to be more successful.
He shared that what he really wanted to tell the person was to go home and spend several months finishing all their undone tasks and getting their life in order.
Sometimes settling in means taking care of all of our unfinished projects, whether emotional or physical, that distract us from living as full of a life as we wished we could.
Other times settling into the now means recognizing that no moment is more perfect than the present one, unfinished business and all.
Back in the Garden
As I write this, I am still in the garden.
As I look around, at first, all I see is how neglected it is, all the work that needs to be done.
A broom not put away. Weeds not pulled. Projects not finished.
But then, I look a little closer.
As my vision clears, I start to realize that these are distractions, keeping me from noticing how perfect everything already is.
A daisy pokes through a rock wall, not a weed, but a garden in her own right.
A lizard basks in the sunlight, every scale perfect, glistening like a rainbow just waiting for the right audience.
A Bird of Paradise really does look like she could take flight.
As much as I would have loved to be traveling out into the world to have a great adventure, I know now, in this moment, that I don’t need to venture far to discover what I am really looking for.
As my kids are growing and stretching, I’m realizing that the ability to find the good in each moment is all we ever really need.
“You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need.” Who can say it better than the Rolling Stones?
We can go beyond what we want but cannot have, and venture into the realm of not needing them at all because everything we really want, we already are.
The deeper we are willing to journey within ourselves, the deeper we can journey with others.
Simple is rich.
Richness is settling in.
Every place can be perfect with a little more love with which to see.
Copyright © 2020 Laurie Smith. All Rights Reserved. Photos source: Laurie Smith.
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